In 2011, I lost 50 pounds. It took commitment and hard work. I had set a goal and I ended up achieving it. It was an incredible time.
Now, though, I find myself losing ground. The scale no longer delivers powerful numbers that I haven’t seen in years. I’m not shrinking out of my clothes on a constant basis. I’m not changing in a way that makes me feel like I can conquer Everest. Hell, I’m not sure I could even conquer Mt. Monadnock right now (…fancy a little regional humor?).
The weight loss journey, I’m learning, was about having a goal and working towards it. It was about making changes and seeing their effects. It was having the control over my life enough to change how I treat myself. It was a constant stream of victories. No matter what else was going on, I still had my scale and the ever smaller number it read. And it wasn’t chance or luck or a winning lottery ticket found on the sidewalk. It was a plan. It was actions, thoughtfully carried out over the course of a year, that helped me towards the ever present goal that seemed so many miles away when I started.
And then there’s this. Feeling like I’ve stopped. Feeling like I’m losing ground with every passing day. Feeling like there’s nothing left. Feeling like I gave all I could to my prior pursuit but there isn’t enough power to get over the next hump. In actuality, this is familiar territory. I went through this before I could commit to changing my diet. I had the tools but no follow through and fear of failure. But familiar or not, it’s still a very uncomfortable place to be.
I’ve started and stopped many fitness programs over the years. For me, fitness is the least consistent part of my weight loss story to date. It’s the most difficult. Changing the food I eat is easy. I plan better and I succeed more often because I know what I should and shouldn’t do. But fitness is still yet to be achieved in any successful manner.
I’m partially afraid of failure since that’s all I’ve had lately with my fitness trials. I’m also just trying to make sure that I have enough will and strength mentally to commit to this and really make sure that I don’t quit.
With a new month fast approaching, it is an opportunity to start fresh. I’ve had many of these months before but with any luck, this might be the time that it sticks. So I will eat well, work out often, and stop weighing myself. That’s what I pledge this May. With determination and will, I will come out a more fit person in June and will have renewed confidence to keep pushing further.